Monday Mood

I’ve been in a rather unpleasant mood all day today, from the very moment my alarm went off. It’s Monday, but it’s also the first day of July. Not a great attitude to start the month with, so I need to figure out a way to snap out of it real quick. I’m not exactly sure why I’m so cranky and can only think that hormones and the heat are to blame. You’re welcome for that information. Hope you’re doing well!

Today at the office wasn’t so bad I guess — we weren’t terribly busy. Last week was nuts, so I will welcome a day of being able to breathe. I didn’t really feel like walking the beach today after work and I should’ve gone to yoga instead, but I am just plain tired. My body is telling me to rest today. I haven’t had much of an appetite to work out either.

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Oh, I just realized why I’m feeling off! I had gluten (bow tie pasta) on Saturday night and now I’m paying for it. Bummer! But at least I figured it out!

Gluten doesn’t always make me sick to my stomach. And to me, that symptom is actually a more tolerable reaction compared to the brain fog, irritability, and breakouts that I do experience. Occasionally the temptation is too great and I give in and face the consequences. Sometimes I am served food that contains gluten (i.e. pasta) and don’t have a choice but to eat it, without coming off as rude.

People who think that eating gluten free is trendy and annoying are correct to some degree (ha!), but for me it has truly changed my life. I’ll have to write a whole post dedicated to my switch to being gluten free 7 years ago and explain how it has been such a game changer. It didn’t help me lose weight, but it did allow me to completely cut out a stimulant that I had taken for many years for my ADHD. I was shocked that my doctors hadn’t suggested this diet sooner, but this whole mind to gut relationship has only been re-examined in recent years.

I am looking forward to walking the beach again tomorrow. I was looking at some of my pictures from the past couple weeks and I miss these views. They’re so calming and that salty, sandy 3-5 mile walk is so good for every single part of me. The beach will always be my happy place.

 

 

 

Rainy Day Vibes…

Today is Saturday, and it’s dark, gross and rainy. It’s also in the 90’s and will probably do this whole nasty weather thing into the evening. Yuck. I don’t feel like doing anything. Fortunately, I have already started the day with an hour long hot yoga session, and an hour of therapy. I am working really hard on myself — mind, body, and soul– and often it’s exhausting. But it’s okay to be tired on a Saturday. It was a busy week and I deserve to rest.

My man is currently napping on the couch downstairs and I don’t want to disrupt him. I feel like I could nap, too, but mostly I am feeling restless. The things we spoke about in therapy are on my mind, though I’m trying to put them aside and just deal with them next time. I kind of wish I had some wine, but I’ve been trying not to drink ‘just because’ anymore. It wasn’t doing me any favors. Celebrations only, or perhaps not at all.

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This morning’s yoga class felt nice. It was great to see one of my old favorite teachers and another yoga teacher friend, but I didn’t know anyone else who was attending. No one looked familiar. I used to go to the Yoga Shack downtown location — it’s a different crowd at Lakewood Ranch. And there were tons of us, lined up almost mat to mat. The energy was terrific and something I’ve craved and missed. I’ve already got another class booked for the same time tomorrow.

Oh! I’ve heard from my Uncle Bruce a couple times, if you believe in that kind of thing. He is contacting me through his phrase (I mentioned it in my other blog) “Fuhgeddaboudit”, as weird as that sounds. It appeared as a Bitmoji, which if you don’t know what that is, it’s a cartoon you can make to look like you and then your phone designs it to match with fun phrases or moods. Well, I opened my phone the other day to look for one and they had just added a new one. Guess what it said? Fuhgeddaboudit!

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Then this not particularly trendy phrase, appeared again to me in the book I’m reading. After finishing Glennon Doyle’s Love Warrior, I am now reading her other book, Carry On Warrior. On the very first page appeared a phrase, which blew me away. He’s really trying to contact me. My Dad says he is letting us know that he is okay.

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Or I suppose you could just chock it up to whatever that phenomenon is where you start seeing something everywhere. I just Googled it and it’s the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon, which is when the more you think about something, the more you start to pay more attention to it, and you start to see it everywhere. I think it’s more than a coincidence, but who knows. Maybe I’ll see it again soon. And if not, Fuhgeddaboudit.

My therapist asked me how I felt about blogging and I said, honestly, kind of stupid because I feel like no one is reading what I’m writing. But, maybe that’s not the point. She asked what deterred me from writing sometimes, and I answered that it was because I wasn’t any good. She then asked me how I could get any better if I don’t keep writing. Kind of a smack you in the forehead obvious observation, but I was doing the opposite. Writing has always been my passion, whether or not I’m “good” at it. So, I’m going to keep going, for myself.

If anyone is reading this, I hope you are having a wonderful day. 🙂 Whether it be rainy or sunny where you are right now, I hope you are doing something that nourishes your mind and body. We’re all doing the best we can (the next best thing, as Glennon Doyle says), even if it’s storming out. I’m trying really hard to put the work in, and it’s uncomfortable and tires me to my core. The point is I’m trying. Writing like this makes me feel exposed and vulnerable, but also hopeful. If I can communicate my feelings through writing, and sort the things that are going on in my head out with my words, then maybe others will feel supported and encouraged to do the same.

Take care!

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People Pleaser

On my drive home from the beach after work today, I thought about how I don’t like the term people pleaser.

Unless… do you want me to like the term people pleaser? 😉 Ha!

This term implies someone who is a suck up and a brown-noser. An over-doting individual who can’t say “no” for fear of displeasing anyone. Someone who is willing to compromise their own desires to appease another. And that’s not quite me.

Some may consider me to be a people pleaser, but I don’t like to think of it that way. I just like others to be happy. I thrive on harmony. Also, you could call me a pushover, but it’s because I am happiest doing whatever makes the other person happy, so I would rather do whatever they want to do.

Is there anything wrong with this practice? Honestly, now that I’m thinking about it, maybe I should make some stronger decisions once and awhile so, just for the sake of it. Another something to keep in mind. Wouldn’t want anyone to mistake me for a people pleaser… 😉

On another note, it was so windy on the beach today. It was nuts! There was a heat advisory earlier, so I was concerned that I’d be sweating to death. Instead I was met with a major breeze and actually got caught in downpour. I got soaking wet and had to roll my phone up in my shirt, but it felt really good. The rain was cold, the drops were large, and the sun was still shining. Liquid sunshine, as they call it.

Enjoy these pics and a video! My big ol’ thumb made it into one of the shots, as it does. And I’m pretty sure that’s water on the lens and not some sort of godly apparition.

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Do You Ever Feel Stuck?

Recently it feels like I am coming out of a fog. One that I have been stuck in for awhile. I’m feeling more alive than I have in years. I say that with hesitation, as if by speaking it outloud, I may jinx it. I need to trade the word jinx to manifest. Anyway, I’ve been stuck in indecision and inaction for what feels like forever. This feeling of stuckness has been weighing heavily on me and I’m happy to report I am beginning to feel light again.

Ever since my uncle died, I have been trying to “Live Like Bruce”, meaning embrace whatever life throws at you and keep smiling. It’s a good way to live and using his outlook as my mantra has been helping in lots of ways. It has opened my eyes and forced me to reexamine this little life that I am living. I’ve been trying to live more deliberately, but also doing my best to let go. Not everything has to be dissected and given meaning. Sometimes things simply just are, because they are, and they don’t really mean anything at all. Hope that makes sense. It does in my nonsensical brain anyway. 🙂

Yesterday, during what has become my nearly daily beach walk, I saw an older woman struggling to get out of the water. The surf was pretty rough and the tides were changing, so the waves were pulling on her pretty hard. She was still smiling, though definitely struggling. There were people all around and a even a man in the water next to her, but he didn’t seem to notice. I unhooked my headphones and called out Do you need a hand?

Her smile grew wide as she nodded and reached out her hand for me. We walked a couple steps together until she was on the flat sand. She thanked me and told me she had hurt her knee. I told her no problem. And it wasn’t. Honestly, it made me feel really great to help someone. We’ve all been that person struggling in the water at some point; maybe we should pay more attention to others who may need help but aren’t asking. Just a thought. I do a lot of thinking on these beach walks of mine.

I’ve been reading a lot more lately since I haven’t been going on social media. I bought a book of poetry by Danielle Doby and it’s called I Am Her Tribe. The poems are profound observations of the ordinary and they make my book nerd heart smile. I’m happy that I find so much comfort in words.

I am also tearing through Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle. She writes the way that I think, and I so admire her ability to say exactly what she means. Just like her reviews said, it feels as if she is speaking directly to me. My emotional self has been sobbing my way through this magnificent memoir of her life. I’ve been thinking about the book all day while I was at work. I read nearly half of it last night and want to savor the rest of it.

My man was shaving last night while I was reading in the master bedroom and when he came out of the bathroom, he saw me in bed with red, puffy eyes and tears streaming down my face. He was like, Oh my gosh, what’s wrong? I smiled and told him I am reading a really good book. He looked at me like I’m crazy. Haha, maybe he’s right, but we’re all a little crazy. And it’s more than okay.

Alright, that’s enough for a Tuesday… Hope everyone is having a good week!

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Monday Musings

Today was a fairly uneventful Monday. No complaints, except that, of course, it’s Monday and the weekend is over. Always a bit of mourning there. The alarm literally startled me awake, because it’s so dark in the morning. The time change is in a few weeks.

So, this past Saturday, my father was named Commodore of the Sarasota Yacht Club. There was a ceremony, great food, and dancing, which was actually really fun. My Dad makes me very proud. He works so hard to create a community and culture based on the traditions set before him by past commodores.

The Changing of the Watch Ceremony on Saturday, the 13th of October is also my Dad’s father’s birthday, so that was special for him, too. My Granddad would have been 103 years old. Only my Mom’s mother, my Gram, is still with us (kind of?) at 97 years old.
I cannot imagine living that long, even though life seems to be speeding by pretty quickly.

I’m tired. Always. I didn’t go to yoga today and I should have. It calms me in ways nothing else can. It’s amazing, and yet I actually have to get there for it to have an affect. Though, I do practice a little at home, especially handstands and headstands.

Nothing particular to say, but if you are reading this — Hope you have a very happy Monday!!! The week has just begun. Let’s go.

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