Self Love: Are You Getting Yours?

Self love is such a buzzword lately, but for good reason. It is a very important concept and something that I’m not very good at, not even a little bit. Admittedly, I always seem to blur the line between self love and self indulgence. I am also so mean to myself, it’s unbelievable. You wouldn’t think I was ‘such a nice person’ if you heard the way I talk to myself. Negative self talk has always been one of my biggest challenges.

Lately, I am really trying to take better care of myself, starting with the most basic of needs. I’m focusing on treating myself like a child. I need to make sure that I am getting fed healthy food for every meal, that I get adequate rest, and be sure that I find time to play. As an adult, it’s nice if your playtime is form of exercise as well. (That’s why I love yoga:) ). I’ve got to protect myself the best I can in this world; no one else is going to do it for me.

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I got home from work, had a half of an Rx bar because my tummy was rumbling. They fill me up so much! (Here’s a pic for you, if you don’t know what I’m talking about)

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A little bit later, I went for a run. It’s 87 degrees out there today and I am quite sweaty. I was able to run a mile without stopping again. It wasn’t particularly fast, but still feeling pretty good about it. Just hope my knees don’t get angry with me. Yay for getting older! Gotta be careful with all the body parts.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful Wednesday! Have a great rest of the week! ❀

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Siblings

I am only child and I have always wanted siblings, desperately. Even more so, now that I am older, many of my friends have developed close relationships with their brothers and sisters, and have brought cousins into the mix. It makes me envious, I’ll admit. I have two girlfriends who are like sisters, but at the end of the day, they’re not actually my family. It would be nice to have a built-in friend for life who could share the responsibility of my parents.

With me being adopted when my birth mother was 17 years old, there is a very good chance that I actually do have siblings out there. I am intrigued by this idea. I’d love to simply see some people who share my genetics, finally. The whole nature vs nurture thing will be interesting to see when I meet these potential siblings. I picture sisters for some reason, but I could have brothers. I should really find out, shouldn’t I?

My friend sent me a screenshot of a picture she found on Instagram from a brewing company in Rhode Island, and one of the girls looks exactly like me. It’s super weird! I can tell that she looks similar to me, but also… is that what I look like? My doppelganger for sure!

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Today at work was okay — it was dark and rainy literally ALL day, which is rare for Florida. Usually we get a little sunshine throughout the day. There is a storm system brewing in the Gulf of Mexico and it’s just swirling around down there. It’s supposed to rain most of the week and into the weekend. Yuck!

Yesterday, I went on my first run of 2019. No, I’m not joking. I haven’t run since last year. I had been avoiding it, particularly since hurting my back, but recently I have been wanting to get back into it. I’d love to run some fun 5ks in the near future. I have always enjoyed/slightly dreaded doing running events with friends. My man enjoys them, too. πŸ™‚

So, I wasn’t particularly speedy, but I am in better shape than I thought I was in, so that’s great! The weather was also pretty extreme yesterday– very humid and in the 90’s. I am very glad that I did it and look forward to going for longer and getting faster. The yoga will help with strength and my mind, too.

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Sunday Morning Slow Down

Hello folks — Happy Sunday! I woke up early (5:45am) with my man’s alarm for work. I couldn’t go back to sleep, because I’m stuffed up and feeling anxious/restless. He left around 7am for his 24 shift, and I still haven’t gone back to bed. It’s almost 9am. Maybe I will go back to sleep in a little bit. It’s rainy and grey outside right now, and it would be nice to get some more rest.

Sunday is the day of rest, right? So they say. Whoever ‘they’ are. πŸ˜‰

What do you do when you want to slow down on Sundays and really relax? Do you nap? Do you exercise? Do you drink? Eat? Be merry? Ha! Anything to distract ourselves from the week ahead. I think that my boss passed on his stupid cold to me. My sinuses feel dry and tickly, and my head feels full of gunk. Yuck! Hopefully I’ll feel better as the day goes on.

Here’s a video of some sandhill cranes in action that my man took. I recommend turning on your sound. Hope you enjoy!

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Tired

I am tired today. My mind is doing this thing where it berrates me, saying, you can’t possibly be that tired. All you did was go to work, walk a few miles on the beach, and go to yoga a couple times. All you have to worry about is yourself. You don’t even have kids to take care of; can you imagine how tired you’d be then? You don’t even know what tired is.Β 

But I do know what tired is. Do you know what it’s like to fight through your day like everything is fine? Like your brain isn’t going a mile a minute, telling you what a terrible failure of a human being you are? Β It’s hell. Yes there are always worse things, but this is the rather crappy hand I’ve been dealt, and I struggle. And I’m allowed to feel it, this struggle. I’m allowed to feel bad for myself. Just not all the time. I have to feel this feeling and then let it go.

Like most Saturdays, I started the day with yoga at 9:30am, followed by therapy. I cried most of my way through both. This yoga challenge I’m doing on Instagram has made me so frustrated. I was all excited about it and then realized I cannot do any of the poses. And I’ve lost so much strength since last year that even playing around and trying to figure them out has been really hard. Not feeling like much of a yogi in that aspect, and that makes me even more sad.

Let’s move on to something more light hearted, shall we? My Mom made a new friend on her walk this morning. She said his name is Armand. Armand the armadillo. (Yup, she is the reason I am the way that I am). Ha! There are lots of different creatures down here in Florida than there are where I grew up in New England.

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Sharing & Over Sharing

Here I am, working on sharing and not over sharing. Not even sure what to write about, but here goes… It’s the 3rd of July and my half birthday! The 4th of July is tomorrow, but it’s kind of a non-event here.

Have I mentioned that I miss New England this time of year? The 4th of July celebrations are simply not the same down here in Florida as they are up North. Perhaps because Indepence Day it’s the true start of summer up there, whereas it feels like summer down here pretty much all year round. Or, even more likely, because the 13 original colonies take this holiday a lot more seriously than Floridians do. Rightly so.

I am still not in a very good mood, if I’m honest. I feel like there is a storm brewing in my head. Everyone and everything is annoying. Yes, it’s hormonal, but I feel more restless than I normally do this time of month. I struggle with how much is too much information on here — I’ll start to write something and then backspace, backspace, backspace.

My Mom always taught me not to “air my dirty laundry” and share certain things with others. Staying private is important to her. I think sharing is very helpful in terms of getting oneself through this crazy life. We’re really not better off alone, even though I have felt that way in the past. Sharing has become a powerful coping mechanism for me, but I still am working out the boundaries.

My anxiety always ramps up this time of month, which I’ve heard is fairly common. And while anxiety in general is common, sometimes I feel very misunderstood. I’d love to connect with others who share my beliefs and fears. I’d really like to encourage and be a sounding board for those who struggle with anxiety, depression, ADHD, or just being a woman in this modern world.

While it’s certainly become more acceptable to discuss mental health issues over the past few years, the topic still remains a bit hush hush. In an effort to enlighten the masses on mental health struggles, having poor mental health has become somewhat trendy and glamorized. That’s not what we want either. It feels like we can’t win. We want an openness and understanding — a healthy dialogue.

Oh, I am back on social media and I’ve joined a headstand yoga challenge. However, Facebook and Instagram have been down most of the day today. Bummer! I took a bunch of photos on the beach yesterday, so I’m prepared. I walked almost 4 miles as well, which was delightful. It was thundering and sprinkling when I left work today, otherwise I would’ve gone again.

I flipped over in my headstand and my phone snapped a shot as I was coming down, which looks kind of neat. I ended up covered in sand, though. Oops! Comes with the territory though. πŸ™‚

Love those skimmer birds — they’re so graceful! I always make sure to get out of their way when I’m walking the beach, so they can “get their snack on”, as they say. Ha! I imagine they come up with a mouthful of minnows almost every time. Don’t want to get in the way of their feeding.

Anyway, I don’t think I stayed on any one topic for very long. I am really hoping one of my best friends moves back to Florida and just keep waiting to hear is she will. I have another best friend who lives in NYC and has a home that she rents out down here. But still, I want her back! They both became “forever friends” and then they moved away. Ugh — it’s still good to have them in my lives!

Before I go off on another tangent, I’m going to sign off here. That’s something my Dad would say. πŸ˜‰

Hope everyone has a wonderful 4th of July holiday! Be safe and have fun!

 

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P.S. My Uncle Bruce came to me again in an Instagram post from the TSA about their security dogs — Fuhgeddaboudit!

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Monday Mood

I’ve been in a rather unpleasant mood all day today, from the very moment my alarm went off. It’s Monday, but it’s also the first day of July. Not a great attitude to start the month with, so I need to figure out a way to snap out of it real quick. I’m not exactly sure why I’m so cranky and can only think that hormones and the heat are to blame. You’re welcome for that information. Hope you’re doing well!

Today at the office wasn’t so bad I guess — we weren’t terribly busy. Last week was nuts, so I will welcome a day of being able to breathe. I didn’t really feel like walking the beach today after work and I should’ve gone to yoga instead, but I am just plain tired. My body is telling me to rest today. I haven’t had much of an appetite to work out either.

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Oh, I just realized why I’m feeling off! I had gluten (bow tie pasta) on Saturday night and now I’m paying for it. Bummer! But at least I figured it out!

Gluten doesn’t always make me sick to my stomach. And to me, that symptom is actually a more tolerable reaction compared to the brain fog, irritability, and breakouts that I do experience. Occasionally the temptation is too great and I give in and face the consequences. Sometimes I am served food that contains gluten (i.e. pasta) and don’t have a choice but to eat it, without coming off as rude.

People who think that eating gluten free is trendy and annoying are correct to some degree (ha!), but for me it has truly changed my life. I’ll have to write a whole post dedicated to my switch to being gluten free 7 years ago and explain how it has been such a game changer. It didn’t help me lose weight, but it did allow me to completely cut out a stimulant that I had taken for many years for my ADHD. I was shocked that my doctors hadn’t suggested this diet sooner, but this whole mind to gut relationship has only been re-examined in recent years.

I am looking forward to walking the beach again tomorrow. I was looking at some of my pictures from the past couple weeks and I miss these views. They’re so calming and that salty, sandy 3-5 mile walk is so good for every single part of me. The beach will always be my happy place.