yoga

Tired

/ notthatanyoneasked / Leave a comment

I am tired today. My mind is doing this thing where it berrates me, saying, you can’t possibly be that tired. All you did was go to work, walk a few miles on the beach, and go to yoga a couple times. All you have to worry about is yourself. You don’t even have kids to take care of; can you imagine how tired you’d be then? You don’t even know what tired is. 

But I do know what tired is. Do you know what it’s like to fight through your day like everything is fine? Like your brain isn’t going a mile a minute, telling you what a terrible failure of a human being you are?  It’s hell. Yes there are always worse things, but this is the rather crappy hand I’ve been dealt, and I struggle. And I’m allowed to feel it, this struggle. I’m allowed to feel bad for myself. Just not all the time. I have to feel this feeling and then let it go.

Like most Saturdays, I started the day with yoga at 9:30am, followed by therapy. I cried most of my way through both. This yoga challenge I’m doing on Instagram has made me so frustrated. I was all excited about it and then realized I cannot do any of the poses. And I’ve lost so much strength since last year that even playing around and trying to figure them out has been really hard. Not feeling like much of a yogi in that aspect, and that makes me even more sad.

Let’s move on to something more light hearted, shall we? My Mom made a new friend on her walk this morning. She said his name is Armand. Armand the armadillo. (Yup, she is the reason I am the way that I am). Ha! There are lots of different creatures down here in Florida than there are where I grew up in New England.

IMG_2338

Sharing & Over Sharing

/ notthatanyoneasked / Leave a comment

Here I am, working on sharing and not over sharing. Not even sure what to write about, but here goes… It’s the 3rd of July and my half birthday! The 4th of July is tomorrow, but it’s kind of a non-event here.

Have I mentioned that I miss New England this time of year? The 4th of July celebrations are simply not the same down here in Florida as they are up North. Perhaps because Indepence Day it’s the true start of summer up there, whereas it feels like summer down here pretty much all year round. Or, even more likely, because the 13 original colonies take this holiday a lot more seriously than Floridians do. Rightly so.

I am still not in a very good mood, if I’m honest. I feel like there is a storm brewing in my head. Everyone and everything is annoying. Yes, it’s hormonal, but I feel more restless than I normally do this time of month. I struggle with how much is too much information on here — I’ll start to write something and then backspace, backspace, backspace.

My Mom always taught me not to “air my dirty laundry” and share certain things with others. Staying private is important to her. I think sharing is very helpful in terms of getting oneself through this crazy life. We’re really not better off alone, even though I have felt that way in the past. Sharing has become a powerful coping mechanism for me, but I still am working out the boundaries.

My anxiety always ramps up this time of month, which I’ve heard is fairly common. And while anxiety in general is common, sometimes I feel very misunderstood. I’d love to connect with others who share my beliefs and fears. I’d really like to encourage and be a sounding board for those who struggle with anxiety, depression, ADHD, or just being a woman in this modern world.

While it’s certainly become more acceptable to discuss mental health issues over the past few years, the topic still remains a bit hush hush. In an effort to enlighten the masses on mental health struggles, having poor mental health has become somewhat trendy and glamorized. That’s not what we want either. It feels like we can’t win. We want an openness and understanding — a healthy dialogue.

Oh, I am back on social media and I’ve joined a headstand yoga challenge. However, Facebook and Instagram have been down most of the day today. Bummer! I took a bunch of photos on the beach yesterday, so I’m prepared. I walked almost 4 miles as well, which was delightful. It was thundering and sprinkling when I left work today, otherwise I would’ve gone again.

I flipped over in my headstand and my phone snapped a shot as I was coming down, which looks kind of neat. I ended up covered in sand, though. Oops! Comes with the territory though. 🙂

Love those skimmer birds — they’re so graceful! I always make sure to get out of their way when I’m walking the beach, so they can “get their snack on”, as they say. Ha! I imagine they come up with a mouthful of minnows almost every time. Don’t want to get in the way of their feeding.

Anyway, I don’t think I stayed on any one topic for very long. I am really hoping one of my best friends moves back to Florida and just keep waiting to hear is she will. I have another best friend who lives in NYC and has a home that she rents out down here. But still, I want her back! They both became “forever friends” and then they moved away. Ugh — it’s still good to have them in my lives!

Before I go off on another tangent, I’m going to sign off here. That’s something my Dad would say. 😉

Hope everyone has a wonderful 4th of July holiday! Be safe and have fun!

 

IMG_9393

 

P.S. My Uncle Bruce came to me again in an Instagram post from the TSA about their security dogs — Fuhgeddaboudit!

FullSizeRender.jpeg

Always A Little Bummed On Sundays

/ notthatanyoneasked / Leave a comment

Ever since I joined the working world, I’ve always felt a little bummed on Sundays. From the moment I get up in the morning until the evening (nights in particular!) I have a pit in my stomach. The anticipation of going back to the office Monday morning, no matter how much I like my job, is always somewhat anxiety inducing for me. I know that I’m not alone in this feeling. You have to physically and mentally prepare for the upcoming week again and have to turn yourself back “on” and plug into the bustle of the week. The weekends go by much too quickly it seems.

This morning, I went to another hot yoga class at the Yoga Shack and it was pretty great — left me feeling awesome and yoga stoned. A wonderful way to begin my Sunday. I did a strong headstand for our 5 breaths of “play” and it made me feel happy. I sweat a ton! My legs got a good workout — I could feel them wanting to give out toward the end. An hour goes by pretty quickly in the studio, though I’m always happy when we’re finished.

Outside, it’s not as nasty as it was yesterday, but it feels like it’s 103 out there and there are lots of clouds. I want to be outside, but it’s unpleasant. Last night we had an exciting evening. Haha – not! The toilet was running and my man figured out what was broken and we rushed to Home Depot before it closed and got the necessary parts to fix it. I’m glad my man is handy and resourceful. That’s a sexy trait. I’m also glad for YouTube videos. 🙂

IMG_9343.jpeg

Oh! I booked tickets to Boston from the 6th until the 9th in September. One of my best friends from college is getting married in Salem, Massachusetts to the love of her life after 11 years of dating. Traveling gives me a lot of anxiety, but I’ve not seen her in years and I’ll also be seeing a lot of my old friends, so it’s worth the trip. I’ll be staying with another one of my besties in a little Airbnb she rented in Marblehead. We lived together in Mexico and then Peru while we studied abroad in college, so I know it’ll be like old times. Even though we’re old ladies who can’t hang now. Ha!

So, that’s coming up. My bestie will be my date, as my man can’t make it up with work, plus he hasn’t met anyone who will be at the wedding. I’ll miss my dance partner, but also it will be nice not to have to worry about him having a good time. It is what it is. We’ll be celebrating a BIG wedding in a year with my very best friend, at the Madison Beach Club. Just where we both always imagined our weddings would be. It’s not where I see myself getting married anymore, and that’s okay. Life takes us different places, but man I do miss that beach sometimes.

I also get homesick for a place that doesn’t exist anymore. I can go back to that quaint little beach in Connecticut, but it will never feel the same. It’s not the same place that it was when I grew up there in the summers, taking tennis lessons in the morning and sailing lessons in the afternoons. We would spend the whole day at the beach, from breakfast to dinner and our little bodies would get so brown. My heart skips a beat just thinking about those glorious summers as a little girl, the ones where time seemed to slow down and the days lasted forever.

Then in the fall, we would all go back to our “real lives” and dream about the next summer. We even had, up until the last five years, a six month till summer party every year where we would get together for a ski weekend and wear bathing suits over our winter clothes. (Un)fortunately, I have pictures for proof. No, I will not incriminate anyone on this blog. ;P

Rainy Day Vibes…

/ notthatanyoneasked / Leave a comment

Today is Saturday, and it’s dark, gross and rainy. It’s also in the 90’s and will probably do this whole nasty weather thing into the evening. Yuck. I don’t feel like doing anything. Fortunately, I have already started the day with an hour long hot yoga session, and an hour of therapy. I am working really hard on myself — mind, body, and soul– and often it’s exhausting. But it’s okay to be tired on a Saturday. It was a busy week and I deserve to rest.

My man is currently napping on the couch downstairs and I don’t want to disrupt him. I feel like I could nap, too, but mostly I am feeling restless. The things we spoke about in therapy are on my mind, though I’m trying to put them aside and just deal with them next time. I kind of wish I had some wine, but I’ve been trying not to drink ‘just because’ anymore. It wasn’t doing me any favors. Celebrations only, or perhaps not at all.

IMG_9327.jpeg

This morning’s yoga class felt nice. It was great to see one of my old favorite teachers and another yoga teacher friend, but I didn’t know anyone else who was attending. No one looked familiar. I used to go to the Yoga Shack downtown location — it’s a different crowd at Lakewood Ranch. And there were tons of us, lined up almost mat to mat. The energy was terrific and something I’ve craved and missed. I’ve already got another class booked for the same time tomorrow.

Oh! I’ve heard from my Uncle Bruce a couple times, if you believe in that kind of thing. He is contacting me through his phrase (I mentioned it in my other blog) “Fuhgeddaboudit”, as weird as that sounds. It appeared as a Bitmoji, which if you don’t know what that is, it’s a cartoon you can make to look like you and then your phone designs it to match with fun phrases or moods. Well, I opened my phone the other day to look for one and they had just added a new one. Guess what it said? Fuhgeddaboudit!

IMG_6385

Then this not particularly trendy phrase, appeared again to me in the book I’m reading. After finishing Glennon Doyle’s Love Warrior, I am now reading her other book, Carry On Warrior. On the very first page appeared a phrase, which blew me away. He’s really trying to contact me. My Dad says he is letting us know that he is okay.

RenderedImage-1

Or I suppose you could just chock it up to whatever that phenomenon is where you start seeing something everywhere. I just Googled it and it’s the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon, which is when the more you think about something, the more you start to pay more attention to it, and you start to see it everywhere. I think it’s more than a coincidence, but who knows. Maybe I’ll see it again soon. And if not, Fuhgeddaboudit.

My therapist asked me how I felt about blogging and I said, honestly, kind of stupid because I feel like no one is reading what I’m writing. But, maybe that’s not the point. She asked what deterred me from writing sometimes, and I answered that it was because I wasn’t any good. She then asked me how I could get any better if I don’t keep writing. Kind of a smack you in the forehead obvious observation, but I was doing the opposite. Writing has always been my passion, whether or not I’m “good” at it. So, I’m going to keep going, for myself.

If anyone is reading this, I hope you are having a wonderful day. 🙂 Whether it be rainy or sunny where you are right now, I hope you are doing something that nourishes your mind and body. We’re all doing the best we can (the next best thing, as Glennon Doyle says), even if it’s storming out. I’m trying really hard to put the work in, and it’s uncomfortable and tires me to my core. The point is I’m trying. Writing like this makes me feel exposed and vulnerable, but also hopeful. If I can communicate my feelings through writing, and sort the things that are going on in my head out with my words, then maybe others will feel supported and encouraged to do the same.

Take care!

58342497532__B72C071F-61F3-46FA-8CC7-2A875D4DCDE6

My Journey Back To Yoga

/ notthatanyoneasked / Leave a comment

IMG_8156

So, it has been an extremely long journey for me to get myself back to yoga after hurting my back this past January. I’ve been doing some light stretching and working out at home, walking on the beach a ton, and participating in yoga challenges on Instagram, but it took me a lot longer than I would have liked to make it back to a yoga class. Practicing alone is great, but nothing quite matches the energy of a classed filled with sweaty bodies who’ve all come together for the same purpose.

After I herniated a couple of discs, I was scared to go back to yoga class. Not just because yoga is how I injured myself, but because I was nervous about what people would think about how much flexibility I’d lost and how much weight I gained. I felt broken, not just on the outside, but the inside too. My body and spirit felt heavy, and now, FINALLY, I can feel everything getting lighter.

Honestly, today’s class felt like coming home. Silent tears streamed down my cheeks during savasana. I did my best to wipe them away so no one would notice, but I think they blended in with all the sweat. It was a pretty tough flow– even the teacher agreed that it was more difficult than she had intended. I noticed the most weakness in my arms, which isn’t all that surprising.

Oh, I meant to mention that my uncle Bruce died this past Thursday. He was born disabled and doctors figured he would only live into his 30’s, but he was 67 years old when he passed. It’s very sad, and I feel horrible that my Dad had to bury his little brother, but he lived a long and full life.

We have been talking about Bruce’s life and legacy, and he is a role model for sure. He was dealt a very difficult hand in this life and yet he always managed to have a smile on his face. His positivity and outlook on life was truly an amazing example. I’ve been thinking about that a lot the past few days — I want to live like Bruce. Just dive into life headfirst and make no apologies, but have all the compassion and kindness in the world.

For as long as I can remember, my uncle had a sign hanging in his room that said, “Fuhgeddaboudit”. In looking it up online, and it is taking on a much deeper meaning. Actually the slang term was added to the Oxford English Dictionary. Forget about it — the issue is not worth the time, energy, mental effort, or emotional resources. That really was Bruce’s life outlook, whether he was fully conscious of it or not. We could all learn a lot from the way he approached life.

FullSizeRender-1

 

Yoga At The Big Cat Habitat

/ notthatanyoneasked / Leave a comment

 

IMG_9134

This morning, I had a very interesting and rather unusual experience doing yoga at the Big Cat Habitat here in Sarasota. It began reasonably early at 8:45am, but it was already pretty hot and humid. Duh, it’s summer in Florida. There were tons of playful tigers all around us. Their enclosures are very large, which made it feel more like we were the ones in the zoo and they were visiting us. So amazing!

IMG_9128-1.jpeg

In addition to the tigers, we were able to see some lions and one giant (almost 800lbs!) liger– a cross between a male lion and a female tiger. Apparently the Big Cat Habitat has over 50 big cats living there, along with bears, sloths, alpacas, alligators, foxes, and a variety of exotic birds. All the animals have all been rescued and are now being protected and cared for by this amazing non-profit organization and its volunteers.

IMG_9145-4

We were lead through an hour flow by a very sweet instructor from Pineapple Yoga. Of course, we did several rounds of Lion’s Breath (where you inhale deeply and then let your breath out forcefully while sticking out your tongue like a lion). We also shook our tiger tails in our free-flowing cat/cow poses.

Halfway through our practice, one of the lions started “talking” to us. Not quite a roar, but a deep grumbling. You can hear a bit of it in the video. It was actually a little scary sounding initially, but we felt very safe and welcome at the sanctuary. In fact, they gave us all a day pass to come back another time and see everything.

I would highly recommend the Big Cat Habitat experience to anyone. It was fantastic; practicing yoga there was just icing on the cake. Seeing and sharing my morning with these beautiful creatures just reminded me that habitat preservation is so important, as well as compassion for animals. And we need to have more compassion for others, especially ourselves, but that’s another post entirely…😉

Have a good weekend, everyone! ROAR!

IMG_9150IMG_9122-2

IMG_9146-2

 

 

 

Not Everything Is As It Appears To Be

/ notthatanyoneasked / Leave a comment

In this day and age of being inundated by information 24/7/365, it has become very difficult to know what’s real and what’s fake. As I’ve said before, the internet is still relatively “new” and there aren’t many rules and regulations. No one is quite sure what to do with this vast and expanding form of communication and miscommunication. So, here we sit with a wealth of information, but no real knowledge or wisdom. It is making everyone reliant on the internet.

We are so overly connected. Short story time! …

The other day, I forgot to bring my phone home from the office. As I was about halfway through my half an hour drive home, I realized my error. I briefly considered turning around before deciding it was not worth the inconvenience. Only once I got home did I realize how annoying it was that I had no way to contact anyone — at all. (Even my laptop was at work). My man was working that night, and I was worried that he might think I died or something. I was going to ask someone at the Publix Supermarket to text him for me, but then I couldn’t remember the correct order of digits in his phone number. Ugh! A good lesson in having numbers saved somewhere other than your phone, just in case. Showed my true colors as a blonde that day. 🙂

My social media detox has been good, except I find myself desperately wanting to go back onto Instagram. Two of my yoga challenge prizes arrived this week (pics below). Two pairs of hemp undies and a beautiful moonstone stone bracelet. I am excited to do more soon! Not necessarily to win — obviously that’s just icing on the cake– but I really enjoy participating in these yoga challenges with the amazing community I have met on the app.

 

On another note, sometimes people keep up certain appearances on social media that are far from accurate from what is going on, on the inside. I know far too many couples who have had public divorces/breakups after painting a beautiful picture of their life on Facebook. It’s sad that we feel forced to put up a front for everyone instead of dealing with the issues at hand? I’ve been there though.

Of course I’ve created an illusion of happiness on social media. People always tell me that I look so happy. Yeah, that’s intentional! Glad it worked. Haha. Sometimes I feel content, but mostly I’m just bobbing along like everyone else. I’ll work on keeping it more real. Will you?

That’s all for today. Sorry it was kind of all over the place. Hope everyone is doing well!

This Post Is A Long Time Coming…

/ notthatanyoneasked / Leave a comment

giphy-10

I have made so many excuses not to write a blog, because I didn’t know how to start one. Well, the truth is that I still don’t, so, I’m just going to write. Unlike others who have popular blogs, I don’t have children (yet), I don’t travel all over the world, interior decorating is not my forte, and I am not a particularly good cook.

For me, my passions include yoga, lots of sleep, random acts of kindness, and looking at far too many memes to be healthy. There is literally nothing I enjoy more than curling up in bed with a good book or a few reruns of “Friends” on my laptop.

I am notorious for making elaborate plans when I’m in a good mood, and then find I’d rather crawl in a hole than go out on when the day actually comes. Canceled plans secretly thrill me and my bedtime is as close to 10pm as possible, sometimes earlier if I’m lucky. This girl loves her sleep.

Honestly, I haven’t the foggiest idea how to start a personal blog, so I’ll just begin mine with basic transparency. We’ll try to get some of the mundane details out of the way.

I’m in my early thirties, and the only child / adopted daughter of two very wonderful parents. I was born and raised in New England, but have been living in Southwest Florida for the past 4+ years and am happy to call this tropical (admittedly kind of sweaty) paradise home.

My hardworking, charismatic father’s relationship with my overbearing, big-hearted mother is #goals, as they say these days. Ha! (I’m not THAT old!) They are good relationship role models, and I am a very lucky girl, trials and tribulations aside.

I am not married yet, and am in no particular rush. However, admittedly, I’ve got a little bit of the baby fever. This is most likely a biological desire. Everyone and their mother (pun intended) is having babies right now at this phase in my life.

Been meaning to start a blog for an extraordinarily long amount of time, but always made excuses. I figured, who would want to read what I have to say? And do I really want anyone to read my ramblings?

Like I said, I don’t have cute babies to blog about, I’m not model, a gourmet chef, or master crafter. My passions include a semi-respectable yoga practice, listening to music, going to the beach, and sleeping.

So, here we are…

I feel like with blogging, I walk a fine line between being vulnerable and over-sharing. This is not a line I straddle confidently, but I guess that’s part of the challenge.

With reluctance and without further a-do, I begin this blog.

I guess we can only see where it goes…

IMG_9166