Sharing & Over Sharing

Here I am, working on sharing and not over sharing. Not even sure what to write about, but here goes… It’s the 3rd of July and my half birthday! The 4th of July is tomorrow, but it’s kind of a non-event here.

Have I mentioned that I miss New England this time of year? The 4th of July celebrations are simply not the same down here in Florida as they are up North. Perhaps because Indepence Day it’s the true start of summer up there, whereas it feels like summer down here pretty much all year round. Or, even more likely, because the 13 original colonies take this holiday a lot more seriously than Floridians do. Rightly so.

I am still not in a very good mood, if I’m honest. I feel like there is a storm brewing in my head. Everyone and everything is annoying. Yes, it’s hormonal, but I feel more restless than I normally do this time of month. I struggle with how much is too much information on here — I’ll start to write something and then backspace, backspace, backspace.

My Mom always taught me not to “air my dirty laundry” and share certain things with others. Staying private is important to her. I think sharing is very helpful in terms of getting oneself through this crazy life. We’re really not better off alone, even though I have felt that way in the past. Sharing has become a powerful coping mechanism for me, but I still am working out the boundaries.

My anxiety always ramps up this time of month, which I’ve heard is fairly common. And while anxiety in general is common, sometimes I feel very misunderstood. I’d love to connect with others who share my beliefs and fears. I’d really like to encourage and be a sounding board for those who struggle with anxiety, depression, ADHD, or just being a woman in this modern world.

While it’s certainly become more acceptable to discuss mental health issues over the past few years, the topic still remains a bit hush hush. In an effort to enlighten the masses on mental health struggles, having poor mental health has become somewhat trendy and glamorized. That’s not what we want either. It feels like we can’t win. We want an openness and understanding — a healthy dialogue.

Oh, I am back on social media and I’ve joined a headstand yoga challenge. However, Facebook and Instagram have been down most of the day today. Bummer! I took a bunch of photos on the beach yesterday, so I’m prepared. I walked almost 4 miles as well, which was delightful. It was thundering and sprinkling when I left work today, otherwise I would’ve gone again.

I flipped over in my headstand and my phone snapped a shot as I was coming down, which looks kind of neat. I ended up covered in sand, though. Oops! Comes with the territory though. 🙂

Love those skimmer birds — they’re so graceful! I always make sure to get out of their way when I’m walking the beach, so they can “get their snack on”, as they say. Ha! I imagine they come up with a mouthful of minnows almost every time. Don’t want to get in the way of their feeding.

Anyway, I don’t think I stayed on any one topic for very long. I am really hoping one of my best friends moves back to Florida and just keep waiting to hear is she will. I have another best friend who lives in NYC and has a home that she rents out down here. But still, I want her back! They both became “forever friends” and then they moved away. Ugh — it’s still good to have them in my lives!

Before I go off on another tangent, I’m going to sign off here. That’s something my Dad would say. 😉

Hope everyone has a wonderful 4th of July holiday! Be safe and have fun!

 

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P.S. My Uncle Bruce came to me again in an Instagram post from the TSA about their security dogs — Fuhgeddaboudit!

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Rainy Day Vibes…

Today is Saturday, and it’s dark, gross and rainy. It’s also in the 90’s and will probably do this whole nasty weather thing into the evening. Yuck. I don’t feel like doing anything. Fortunately, I have already started the day with an hour long hot yoga session, and an hour of therapy. I am working really hard on myself — mind, body, and soul– and often it’s exhausting. But it’s okay to be tired on a Saturday. It was a busy week and I deserve to rest.

My man is currently napping on the couch downstairs and I don’t want to disrupt him. I feel like I could nap, too, but mostly I am feeling restless. The things we spoke about in therapy are on my mind, though I’m trying to put them aside and just deal with them next time. I kind of wish I had some wine, but I’ve been trying not to drink ‘just because’ anymore. It wasn’t doing me any favors. Celebrations only, or perhaps not at all.

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This morning’s yoga class felt nice. It was great to see one of my old favorite teachers and another yoga teacher friend, but I didn’t know anyone else who was attending. No one looked familiar. I used to go to the Yoga Shack downtown location — it’s a different crowd at Lakewood Ranch. And there were tons of us, lined up almost mat to mat. The energy was terrific and something I’ve craved and missed. I’ve already got another class booked for the same time tomorrow.

Oh! I’ve heard from my Uncle Bruce a couple times, if you believe in that kind of thing. He is contacting me through his phrase (I mentioned it in my other blog) “Fuhgeddaboudit”, as weird as that sounds. It appeared as a Bitmoji, which if you don’t know what that is, it’s a cartoon you can make to look like you and then your phone designs it to match with fun phrases or moods. Well, I opened my phone the other day to look for one and they had just added a new one. Guess what it said? Fuhgeddaboudit!

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Then this not particularly trendy phrase, appeared again to me in the book I’m reading. After finishing Glennon Doyle’s Love Warrior, I am now reading her other book, Carry On Warrior. On the very first page appeared a phrase, which blew me away. He’s really trying to contact me. My Dad says he is letting us know that he is okay.

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Or I suppose you could just chock it up to whatever that phenomenon is where you start seeing something everywhere. I just Googled it and it’s the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon, which is when the more you think about something, the more you start to pay more attention to it, and you start to see it everywhere. I think it’s more than a coincidence, but who knows. Maybe I’ll see it again soon. And if not, Fuhgeddaboudit.

My therapist asked me how I felt about blogging and I said, honestly, kind of stupid because I feel like no one is reading what I’m writing. But, maybe that’s not the point. She asked what deterred me from writing sometimes, and I answered that it was because I wasn’t any good. She then asked me how I could get any better if I don’t keep writing. Kind of a smack you in the forehead obvious observation, but I was doing the opposite. Writing has always been my passion, whether or not I’m “good” at it. So, I’m going to keep going, for myself.

If anyone is reading this, I hope you are having a wonderful day. 🙂 Whether it be rainy or sunny where you are right now, I hope you are doing something that nourishes your mind and body. We’re all doing the best we can (the next best thing, as Glennon Doyle says), even if it’s storming out. I’m trying really hard to put the work in, and it’s uncomfortable and tires me to my core. The point is I’m trying. Writing like this makes me feel exposed and vulnerable, but also hopeful. If I can communicate my feelings through writing, and sort the things that are going on in my head out with my words, then maybe others will feel supported and encouraged to do the same.

Take care!

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My Journey Back To Yoga

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So, it has been an extremely long journey for me to get myself back to yoga after hurting my back this past January. I’ve been doing some light stretching and working out at home, walking on the beach a ton, and participating in yoga challenges on Instagram, but it took me a lot longer than I would have liked to make it back to a yoga class. Practicing alone is great, but nothing quite matches the energy of a classed filled with sweaty bodies who’ve all come together for the same purpose.

After I herniated a couple of discs, I was scared to go back to yoga class. Not just because yoga is how I injured myself, but because I was nervous about what people would think about how much flexibility I’d lost and how much weight I gained. I felt broken, not just on the outside, but the inside too. My body and spirit felt heavy, and now, FINALLY, I can feel everything getting lighter.

Honestly, today’s class felt like coming home. Silent tears streamed down my cheeks during savasana. I did my best to wipe them away so no one would notice, but I think they blended in with all the sweat. It was a pretty tough flow– even the teacher agreed that it was more difficult than she had intended. I noticed the most weakness in my arms, which isn’t all that surprising.

Oh, I meant to mention that my uncle Bruce died this past Thursday. He was born disabled and doctors figured he would only live into his 30’s, but he was 67 years old when he passed. It’s very sad, and I feel horrible that my Dad had to bury his little brother, but he lived a long and full life.

We have been talking about Bruce’s life and legacy, and he is a role model for sure. He was dealt a very difficult hand in this life and yet he always managed to have a smile on his face. His positivity and outlook on life was truly an amazing example. I’ve been thinking about that a lot the past few days — I want to live like Bruce. Just dive into life headfirst and make no apologies, but have all the compassion and kindness in the world.

For as long as I can remember, my uncle had a sign hanging in his room that said, “Fuhgeddaboudit”. In looking it up online, and it is taking on a much deeper meaning. Actually the slang term was added to the Oxford English Dictionary. Forget about it — the issue is not worth the time, energy, mental effort, or emotional resources. That really was Bruce’s life outlook, whether he was fully conscious of it or not. We could all learn a lot from the way he approached life.

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