adoption

Siblings

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I am only child and I have always wanted siblings, desperately. Even more so, now that I am older, many of my friends have developed close relationships with their brothers and sisters, and have brought cousins into the mix. It makes me envious, I’ll admit. I have two girlfriends who are like sisters, but at the end of the day, they’re not actually my family. It would be nice to have a built-in friend for life who could share the responsibility of my parents.

With me being adopted when my birth mother was 17 years old, there is a very good chance that I actually do have siblings out there. I am intrigued by this idea. I’d love to simply see some people who share my genetics, finally. The whole nature vs nurture thing will be interesting to see when I meet these potential siblings. I picture sisters for some reason, but I could have brothers. I should really find out, shouldn’t I?

My friend sent me a screenshot of a picture she found on Instagram from a brewing company in Rhode Island, and one of the girls looks exactly like me. It’s super weird! I can tell that she looks similar to me, but also… is that what I look like? My doppelganger for sure!

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Today at work was okay — it was dark and rainy literally ALL day, which is rare for Florida. Usually we get a little sunshine throughout the day. There is a storm system brewing in the Gulf of Mexico and it’s just swirling around down there. It’s supposed to rain most of the week and into the weekend. Yuck!

Yesterday, I went on my first run of 2019. No, I’m not joking. I haven’t run since last year. I had been avoiding it, particularly since hurting my back, but recently I have been wanting to get back into it. I’d love to run some fun 5ks in the near future. I have always enjoyed/slightly dreaded doing running events with friends. My man enjoys them, too. 🙂

So, I wasn’t particularly speedy, but I am in better shape than I thought I was in, so that’s great! The weather was also pretty extreme yesterday– very humid and in the 90’s. I am very glad that I did it and look forward to going for longer and getting faster. The yoga will help with strength and my mind, too.

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My Adoption Story

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So, I’m just going to get right into it. I was adopted when I was just over 8 weeks old (like a puppy- ha!) by two of the most amazing parents a child could ever ask for, who go above and beyond the call of parent duty for me. They spoiled me silly and made sure that I always felt special and loved. I am so so lucky to have been matched up with them.

For my first few weeks of life, I lived with a foster family. They didn’t expect to have me so long and they fell in love with me. It’s easy to do with babies, and apparently I was a pretty cute and happy one. I slept well, I ate well, and didn’t cry too much. My Mom said I was truly a dream baby. Yes, I’m patting myself on the back and praying if I have children they will also be dream babies. A girl can.. dream. 😉

March 11, 1985 is when I met my parents for the first time. My Mom actually said to my Dad on the car ride there, “What if we don’t like her? Can we give her back? What if she doesn’t like us?” Very honest and legitimate questions. It’s scary to bring life into this world, but somehow almost scarier to adopt a child into your life. But are you really any more prepared to be a parent by carrying the baby in your belly? That’s debatable.

I always knew I was adopted. From when I was a little girl, we celebrated my adoption day every year with a small celebration, just the three of us. I remember feeling weird about being adopted for the first time in grade school when one of our projects was to write out the physical traits we had inherited from each parent and I didn’t know how to fill it in. My Mom had to come in and speak with the teacher.

Thoughts of my birth parents come up every so often. I’ve tried to find them, but our adoption is closed and I am only allowed non-identifying information. This includes general health and wellness, physical descriptions of them at the time of the adoption, and traits, hobbies, and achievements. It’s actually very interesting information that I only got when I was 30 years old. I would have to petition the court in order to release their identifying information and even then it’s not a guarantee.

I don’t want to disrupt the life that she rebuilt after she gave me up for adoption. Hopefully she remarried and had more children, which means that I have siblings. That thought is almost to bizarre for me to conceive. I want to meet the people who share my DNA. I just teared up a little bit thinking about that– wow. Oh, and I have been on 23andme and ancestry.com without any luck.

I have questions for her, and more that have come up recently as I consider potentially bringing a child into the world in the next few years. I wonder if my birth mother held me after she birthed me. Did she snuggle me and speak to me softly, telling me everything was going to be okay, and she’d always love me. Or did she look away as the doctors pulled me from her, not wanting to see? I want to know these things, and I can’t even explain why I want to know them. I would understand either way.

My birth mom made an unbelievably selfless choice and I’d really just like to tell her, Thank You. From the bottom of my heart, thank you, thank you, thank you.

 

 

Happy 2019!

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Happy New Year, folks!

It has been a long time, and for that, I apologize. I should get in the habit of writing more, if I intend to reach people, which I do. I have a message that is worth sharing. More than one, I think. Though my focus will be anxiety, for sure. And ADHD, adoption, and now… back/spine health!

On my birthday this year, turning 34, I decided to go to the beach to take pictures for a yoga challenge. Nothing unusual and it was an absolutely beautiful evening. The water down here in Florida has been in the 60’s and we have had red tide. I was taking a few shots down by the water’s edge and then decided to wade in to about ankle deep and do a backbend.

That’s when I heard something pop in my back and I felt it go into spasm immediately.

From there, it has been some of the most excruciating pain I’ve ever been in, in my life. For that, I am thankful, because I am certain there is much worse pain to be in. However, there is no denying it was awful. I went to the doctor and he sent me home with three prescriptions — steroids, anti-inflammatory, and muscle relaxants. Also a shot of pain meds and cortisone. Ugh!

After a week, the pain had subsided for the most part, but I was experiencing numbness in my right toes and left leg. It felt like pins and needles and there was definite weakness affiliated with the lack of feeling.

I was told to get an MRI to see what we’re dealing with, and that way we would know what kind of PT I would need. The results showed a herniated disc — I have a large tear and am a candidate for surgery, if I so choose. The plan is to continue with decompression at the chiropractor and then see how I am doing in a month.

Time is not always kind. However, I am very aware of how fragile our health can be.